Stagger Not

^“He (Abraham) staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.” (Romans 4: 20, 21)

The Lord has spoken to my heart that I am in a time of “staggering not; and a time of full persuasion”. I am to focus on these two areas now. The latest scan from November showed that the cancer is still in my body, but not as pronounced as it was in September’s image.

The peritoneum (from the Greek peri-around + tonos-stretching) is a thin membrane that forms the lining of the abdomen. It covers all of the organs within the abdomen and also acts a conduit for blood, lymphatic vessels and nerves.This lining produces a lubricating fluid so the abdominal organs can slide around easily and prevent them from sticking together.

I’ve been told the cancer that spread from my colon to my peritoneum is hard to locate on scans. Cells from my peritoneum actually float in my abdominal cavity, thereby moving from one location to another. The good news from this report, however, is that these cells have not found a resting place on any other organ, nor are they in my bloodstream or bones. No excess fluid was found in the abdomen, which is a barometer for how well the chemo is working.

As many of you know, I am podcasting a series called “Healing for Everyday”—thirty one episodes featuring the healing Scriptures God has given me since my diagnosis. One of those is Matthew 15: 13:

“But He (Jesus) answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up.”

Jesus is addressing the man-made traditions of the Jews, but the one revelation of Scripture can have many applications. In my case, God gave me this passage to address something just as dangerous as the letter of the law that kills: cancer.

When I wield this Scripture in warfare, I “tell” the cancer that it cannot stay in my body because God did not put it there. In addition, I say that as it leaves the peritoneum and abdomen, it will not find any other resting or nesting (hiding) place in my body.

In its uprooting, I also declare that it is not just dead by the fruit, but also by the root. In other words, it’s not just a season of non-bearing—in which case it will return—but it is dead at the roots.

Jesus spoke the same thing to the fig tree in Mark 11: 12-14; 19-24:

“And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry: And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find anything thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.

“And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it. “And when even was come, he went out of the city. And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots. And Peter calling to remembrance saith unto him, Master, behold, the fig tree which thou cursedst is withered away. And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.

^“For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith^. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”

Of course, this is in direct contradiction to what my oncologist in Abilene believes. At least his approach is not like the Doctor of Death in Dallas who curtly told me in July I had six months to live.

Despite my high regard for my doctor, who is compassionate and highly skilled, his words are not the final authority in my life—God is. He alone determines the number and quality of my days as I live in concert with his Word and purpose for my life.

Dr. Kalla says my condition is incurable, and the best he can do is chase the cancer with chemotherapy. His best arsenal can only cripple it so that I can have months (perhaps years) free from the debilitating effects of the drugs before the cancer cells recover and began to multiply again.

How many rounds of chemotherapy I can take will depend on how well my body can hold up under the infusions. At some point, he warns, my body will no longer be able to withstand the drugs and I will enter palliative care.

I reminded him how he once said I was an extraordinary patient—one for the medical journals—because my case never seemed to follow the standard rules for how cancer acts and patients respond.

For instance, my blood work remains solid. He told me the numbers are in range for someone who has NEVER gone through chemotherapy. Thank God!

I believe it’s because I wield two Scriptures as a sword in regards to my blood work. These passages declare that God is upholding my bone marrow and its function:

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

“Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.” (Proverbs 3:5-8)

“…He (Jesus) is upholding all things by the word of his power…” (Hebrews 1:3)

Notice that all things are not being upheld by the power of His word, but the WORD of his power. It is as when God said, “Light, be!” It came forth and is continuing-- expanding throughout the cosmos--because the Lord hasn’t told it to stop.

Thus, I informed my oncologist that I wasn’t through breaking the medical profession’s rules. I had a few more planned to surprise them all!

So now, I must focus on staggering not and being fully persuaded, as the Lord instructed. He knows, based on this latest report that says the cancer is still there, that the enemy will try to get me to waver.

In fact, that’s exactly what the word “stagger” means in the Greek: waver. James 1:5-7 reveals the consequences of repeated wavering:

^“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

^“But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.”

The wisdom being sought in these passages refers to seeking instructions from God as what to do in the midst of an affliction or trial.

Ralph Martin, noted author and an associate professor of theology at Sacred Heart Seminary in Detroit, Michigan, comments:

“If any of you lacks wisdom - The wisdom in context is specifically regarding what God is accomplishing through the trial(s). James is making the point that we don't have to be perplexed by the trial and try to face it with our own natural, fallible wisdom.

"Instead, James says that if we find ourselves in a trial and lack spiritual insight, our "reflex" should be to go to our Father and ask Him for His wisdom, which is the practical application of His Word to everyday situations.” (Martin, R. P. Vol. 48: Word Biblical Commentary: James. Dallas: Word, Incorporated)

As a result, the wisdom I pursued has cautioned me--at this given point in my recovery--to stagger not and make sure I am fully persuaded.

Right after receiving this insight, I awoke this past Monday morning unable to walk without staggering.  My legs were weak and my gate unsteady throughout the day. Once again, satan had simply confirmed that I heard from God correctly. I did not own his attack as truth, but stood against his wiles with my shield of faith that quenches every fiery dart (Ephesians 6:10-18). Today as I write this update, my legs are once again strong.

Dr. Kalla's plan is to give me my tenth infusion on Tuesday, Dec. 10; then, perhaps one more around January 3. After that, George and I are hoping to get to Hawaii to visit the grandchildren later in the month. My husband can only stay two weeks because of work, but my intentions are to stay for several more weeks before I have to return home in March for a follow-up scan.

These dates are fluid, however, due to my son’s schedule. In the Army, they often have field maneuvers that keep them away from home for weeks; and as we’ve learned, the military can schedule these without warning.

Nevertheless, we will get there at some point. And while there, I refuse to look over my shoulder for another attack. (When I completed my first round of twelve infusions, the cancer began to multiply again and returned in less than sixty days.)

That was then; this is now. God says my prayers are effectual and fervent, and that I will have those things I declare…things not presumptuously claimed, but those precious things purchased for me by the Blood of Christ and approved by God for me to call forth at this time.

How do I know this to be true?

1 John 5:14,15:

“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.”

God’s Will is very clear regarding healing for His children. Even our bodies were created with a built-in healing mechanism—the immune system. Nonetheless, living under the effects of the Fall has weakened and compromised its ability to function optimally. But we are not left without help!

God heals our bodies in three ways:

spontaneously (through a working immune system)

by stimulation (diet and lifestyle changes, along with natural supplements or medicines that repair and recharge the immune system, restoring the body to working order)

supernaturally (usually when the disease, infirmity, or injury is beyond the healing ability of the immune system and the gift of science); often coming in the form of a spoken word, laying on of hands, intercession, a prayer cloth, a prophetic word, etc.—all mentioned and demonstrated in the Bible.

So, it was settled from the beginning of this journey: God wanted me well. He made a blood covenant to secure Salvation for the whole of me—body, spirit, and soul. What I needed was to understand the WAY of God for my situation-- how to walk through to my healing.

I sought him for answers to such practical questions as; do I take chemotherapy or go an alternative route? Which oncology clinic is the best for me and where? Which surgery team should I choose?

The answers came through my patient submission for guidance. He has not failed me in this pursuit. I could tell you many stories that confirmed my steps are divinely ordered.

Go back to the passages in James. When I asked for wisdom regarding my situation, God was not vague but very detailed. He gave me specific words (Rhemas—right now, God-breathed words) to stand on from His Word (All the Scriptures--the Logos).

He was not condescending or judging. He has generously given me everything I need to know for my situation, including the enemy’s intents and the faith of His Son to resist them.

Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians, verses 12-14:

“Now, brethren, I desire you should know, that the things which have happened to me, have fallen out rather to the furtherance of the gospel:

“So that my bands are made manifest in Christ, in all the court, and in all other places; And many of the brethren in the Lord, growing confident by my bands, are much more bold to speak the word of God without fear.”

This thing concerning me is also falling out for the furtherance of the Gospel. My story is being read around the world. Can you believe it? From my little laptop in Comanche, Texas, my website is getting visits from people in China, Malaysia, Russia, and all over the United States. Praise God!

And it is the prayer of my heart that those who read my posts, and those who pray with and for me, will grow more confident in Christ; seeking and speaking a “right now” Word of God that begins to dispel darkness and disease from their lives.

It is also my desire that they not stop with themselves; but dare to look—even before their personal prayers are answered—into the desperate eyes of a world famished for the Words of Life...then open their mouths.

“…open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.” (Psalm 81:10)

Congratulations, You're Cancer-Free! Go Enjoy the Rest of Your Life. (Uh, Wait...Not So Fast.)

A familiar piece of furniture I
call Chemo Deco

It’s been a while since my last post in the Elim series. Many things have happened since my diagnosis and surgery for cancer colon almost a year ago, and I’m eager to get you caught up on all the details.

At first, I thought I would post each week during my rounds of chemotherapy; but after two treatments, I realized waiting might be best.  Each infusion and its ensuing days were challenging, full of complex emotions, and major adjustments for my husband and caregivers. Only later did full insight come from looking back. It’s the interesting turns around the bend, along with the wisdom gained, that I want to share with you now.

My last post in the Elim Series, Of Heaven and Earth, Life and Death, Sickness and Wellness in the Kingdom of God, left off after the first few rounds of chemo.

Many Job’s comforters surrounded me in the beginning, assuring me what to expect from chemotherapy. Although I was thankful for their concerns, I told them I had researched the side effects of each of my drugs and discussed the possibilities with my oncologist. “I refuse to accept a package that has yet to knock on my door,” I asserted. “If it does, I will be prepared with prayer and medicine.”

Although loaded with stats and facts, my primary focus was on Scriptures and declarations that would fortify me for what was ahead. Proverbs 3: 5-8 became my cornerstone:

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.”

Here’s the Goin commentary: My whole heart has to be committed to trusting God—even along paths I do not want to go. I’m not going to understand God’s overall purpose, so it is a waste of time trying to figure it out. All I know is that His ways for me are always redemptive, not destructive; and always turn for my good.

I must acknowledge He is Lord over these chemotherapy infusions and He governs all they entail. If I do, I have the confidence that every step I take along the journey is directed (leveled, made straight) by God.

I refuse to let my mind or five senses determine truth for me. My intellect can certainly receive and  process facts, but if I fear (respect and honor) what God says over the opinions and prognoses of well-intentioned, but imperfect doctors, it shall be:

Health to my navel (the very core of my being) and marrow to my bones. It is in the marrow where red and white blood cells are manufactured, along with platelets.

Blood production is critical to a chemotherapy patient! Chemo drugs destroy fast-producing cancer cells, but they cannot distinguish bad cells from other fast-producing cells in the body-- notably blood, hair, and the lining of the intestinal tract. That’s why cancer patients often lose their hair, have constant bouts with diarrhea, and become prone to low blood counts, which can lead to infections and anemia that may delay chemotherapy until these conditions are addressed.

Before taking my first round of chemotherapy, I also had what is known as a power port installed under the skin above my left breast. It has an entry port attached to a catheter that runs into a large vein known as the vena cava. Before then, both arms looked like pincushions! My veins are difficult to find. When one is felt, it tends to run and hide by the time the needle arrives. Now, the needle going into the port is virtually painless, and technicians can easily draw blood and give infusions through it.

Early on, I used the Scriptures in Hebrews 1:3 and Colossians 1:17 for my port, as well as for the production of the blood cells:

"He is the reflection of God’s glory and the exact imprint of God’s very being, and he sustains all things by his powerful word."
“And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”

I thanked God for upholding the production of my red and white blood cells and platelets, as well as maintaining the position and integrity of my port—for it to stay clean, clear, and functioning.

Our Creator’s handiwork is flawlessly exact. He sets the ebb and flow of the seas of the earth in concert with the vast Cosmos. Our earth turns on its axis upon precise coordinates, as it joins other planets in our solar system to rotate with equal precision around the Sun. Isaiah 41:4 says that God has called forth the generations on earth from the beginning. He is a God of details and boundaries.

Having meditated upon these truths, I asked God to set the boundaries of the drugs before the first bag of chemicals entered my body. I prayed that they would not go beyond what He decreed, and that each drug (there were five compounds) would do only what He allowed—serve, not harm; help, not hurt.  With each new bag added to the IV pole, I spoke those words.

Glory to God, my blood work remained normal through all twelve treatments, much to the amazement of the oncology staff. In fact, I breezed through the treatments for six months with NO nausea and subsequent vomiting, no mouth sores, and no loss of appetite. My hair thinned, but did not drop out. The staff called me a remarkable patient.

Oh, I experienced fatigue, the most common side effect; but whenever I prayed for the grace to do only what I needed to do for that day, the Holy Spirit came through. By the way, chemo fatigue cannot be relieved by taking a nap or resting. You just have to press through it as best you can and learn to let many things…yes, many things go during this time of your life.

Before my cancer diagnosis and resulting treatments, I was a list maker and took great pride in coming to the end of the day with most (if not all) things struck from my list. It gave me a sense of accomplishment.

During my chemotherapy regimen, my husband held down a demanding job. He would come home after fourteen hours in heavy construction and face the chores I could not complete. He had to cook supper and clean house. He had to help me bathe. He cleaned up the mess from my often-unsuccessful runs to the potty. Every two weeks, he would leave work Friday evenings and drive two hours to Abilene—all to spend the next two nights on a roll-out bed in my hospital room before driving me home on Sundays.

George’s way of cleaning the house is different from mine—the way he loads the dishwasher, the thoroughness of his sweeping, but I have to extend grace—great grace-- to someone who overnight became a juggler with on-the-job training. He suddenly was responsible for things too important to drop. I made room for his vents, and never took them personally. As time went on, we learned each other’s “Rapture” points. We call them “Rapture” points because it translates into “I’ve had enough. I’m outta here!”

Thank God, we have a great support team of in-laws that take up the slack during these moments. My sister-in-law is a tremendous blessing. In addition to driving me to Abilene twice a month for treatments, Shana would often prepare lunch and tidy up around the apartment. A Le Cordon Bleu graduate, she researched immune-boosting menus and prepared them for me.

Although I never lost my appetite, it became extremely finicky during my sessions. It was similar to being pregnant! George was frustrated because I’d send him to the store to get a certain item, only to not want it once he returned. He would cook something that we agreed sounded delicious and doable, then watch me scoot out of the room minutes later once I smelled it on the stove. It was important for me to maintain my nutrition, so George tried to be patient, yet insistent while I vacillated from meal to meal, sometimes bite to bite.

Our only glitch came during the seventh treatment. My chemo was given at the hospital, where I stayed for three days for each infusion, twice a month. I awoke one night to urinate. On my way back to bed, I felt a slight chill. Getting under the covers didn’t stop it. Within seconds, my entire body was trembling. I hit the call button and three nurses rushed in and immediately identified the condition as rigors, caused by one of my drugs—Oxaliplatin. I was given high doses of Benadryl, Demerol, and the steroid Dacadron until the trembling, which by then had nearly advanced into convulsions, subsided. Everyone was relieved, and the oncologist thought it best to remove Oxaliplatin from my regimen, even though I still had four more treatments to go.

The next day, drowsy and dazed, I thought about what had happened.

Okay, Didn’t I pray over the IV before it went into my body? Yes. Did I trust God to set its boundary and not let it harm me?

Oxaliplatin is the “gold standard” when treating colon cancer, but it is also a double-edged sword. Its side effects during chemo are daunting. Some last months, years, or permanently after treatment. The primary side effect is peripheral neuropathy--a tingling, prickly, burning sensation in the extremities.

When my oncologist visited me that afternoon, he told me that just a few weeks earlier, one of his in-clinic patients went into rigors and then cardiac arrest. A portable defibrillator brought her back to life, where they were able to stabilize her for hospital transport.

Some patients with mild reactions to the Ox, as it’s called, can slow down their drips and add Benedryl and other drugs along with it to ward off reactions. But since my reaction was severe, my oncologist was convinced that to continue it would be far more harmful than beneficial.

After he left the room, I began to think about what I pray over every bag that goes into my system, and how I was trusting God to decree its boundaries in order to bless, not harm.

“Holy Spirit, please explain,” I asked. “I believe you enlightened these specific Scriptures just for me—my personal Sword of the Spirit—to war successfully for my life and health.”

I started to worship. Soon, in the quiet places of my heart, the understanding came: God DID set the boundaries. That was all of the Oxaliplatin He was going to allow into my body. In order for it to be removed from my list, a reaction had to manifest; but even then, God was in charge. He was making sure the reaction only went so far and no more. There were no lasting effects.

George and I agree that continuing the Ox would have led to neuropathy down the road, and pose a threat to my ability to walk and stand on my feet for long periods. (I asked God to return me to an active speaking schedule in churches, schools, book signings, etc.) Neuropathy can also affect the hands and fingers, and cause great pain when someone needs nimbleness, such as for daily typing.

Just months later, I experienced a mild form of this tingling in my feet and hands for two weeks-- and they weren’t pleasant. No doubt, God was showing me what I was delivered from. What a good and merciful Father!

By my eleventh treatment in April, the fatigue had subsided enough for me to enjoy a few days out of the house in Dallas with my son, his wife, and my adorable grandchildren—ages 14, 10, and 8. Jeremy, an Army Staff Sergeant, was leaving his post at Ft. Bliss in Texas to transfer to Hawaii. While I was happy for them, I was sad to soon be so far away from my family. I reasoned, however, that I had only one more treatment to go. Then, I could put the horrible cancer scare behind me and start a new chapter of my life that definitely included a trip across the Pacific.

You see, when we first met with our oncologist, I was told that the surgeon had removed the entire tumor and affected lymph nodes from my colon. No radiation was necessary, and a full round of chemo was ordered as a precautionary measure to clear my system of anything that may not have been seen by the surgeon or scans. “You have a ninety percent chance of a full recovery,” he said. Even without prayer, those were very good odds.

I said good-bye to the family at the airport as they embarked for Hawaii. The night before, we had joyfully made plans to get together for Christmas in the Aloha State. I was close to the end of an arduous ordeal (or so I thought).

A month later, I finished my last infusion and on the same day, had a full-body CT Scan. When the report came back normal—no signs of cancer anywhere in my body—the nursing staff gave me a surprise “graduation” party as I was packing to leave the hospital. The oncologist told me to “go and get on with my life.”

The great staff on Parker 7 at Hendrick Hospital, Abilene

I cannot tell you how George and I felt! We laughed, cried, and celebrated at a very fancy steakhouse on our way out of Abilene. When we told the wait staff our story, they didn’t charge us for the meal. The colonoscopy a month later revealed NO signs of cancer—no polyps, and the surgical site looked great. We planned a delayed anniversary trip in June to beautiful New Braunfels near Austin. There, we toured the sites like newlyweds, stopping to savor the beauty and attractions around the renovated old river town.

After returning from our trip, I started to notice little twinges of pain here or there. On the computer, I found many sites where post-chemo patients were plagued with all sorts of aches and pains. After all, I had been systematically poisoned from head to toe for six months. And since the drugs settle deep in your tissues, it takes a while for the crud to work itself out of your system. I was convinced there was nothing to worry about.

Then, I began to notice my stomach swelling. Within a few weeks, I was having trouble breathing and eating with all the pressure. I couldn’t even get up from a sitting position without help. It felt—and looked-- like I was pregnant!

W hen the oncologist saw me, he immediately arranged for the fluid to be withdrawn and tested. To the technician’s amazement, eight liters of fluid (approx. 2.3 gallons) were removed from my abdominal cavity. I went home feeling much better without all the pressure against my diaphragm, yet I was troubled.

I entreated the Lord to be delivered FROM whatever was ahead, rather than having to go THROUGH it. George’s construction project had ended a few days before the test and the company let him go because no new projects were on the table. Moreover, my husband was still weary from almost a year of caregiving. Now Jeremy and the kids were half way around the world.

Lord, not again! Whatever is in that fluid, whatever is in my body, remove it in Jesus’ name and spare my family this sorrow!

George and I followed up by taking authority over whatever was attacking my body. We examined our lives, laid prostrate before God, and committed once again to trusting God’s ways—regardless of what the report revealed.

I was reminded of the three Hebrews in Babylonian captivity (Chapter 3 of Daniel). They found themselves before a fiery furnace they had not imagined or planned for that day. Cruel King Nebuchadnezzar threw them into a furnace heated seven times hotter than usual. Amazingly, they were not consumed. Instead, they were moving freely about, loosed from their bonds and praising God in the fire! How was this possible? The Hebrews discovered a Greater One had arrived ahead of them…One the Bible calls the “Fourth Man in the Fire”.

I knew that whatever George and I were to face, Jesus had gone ahead and was waiting in the fire for me. I would be able to stand, loosed IN it before I would emerge FROM it. Our hearts were settled in Christ that whatever the tests showed, our confession would not change from what we declared the first time—ten months earlier: God is good, full of grace and mercy. He is our life; He is our willing Healer, our Future and our Hope.


Next post:  "From Cancer-Free to Casket Shopping in Less than Sixty Days"